Blueberries

Day 40 of sheltering in place. 
40 days isn’t that long.

Whose body is this? My hips hurt.  My neck hurts.  

I cried over seeing my friend Shannon on instagram yoga today.  Cried.  

I cried when my trainer texted “how are you doing?”

To which I replied “that’s a loaded question these days.”

My heart aches to be touched by another human.  

My heart aches to touch another human.

My heart aches to sit by someone.

My heart aches to hold hands.

My heart aches to hug.

My heart aches.

What’s getting me through?

Daily gratitude practice.  I truly do not know what I would do without the two humans whom I exchange gratitudes with every day.  (You know who you are and I LOVE YOU.)

Daily movement.

No matter what.

I must move my body.  

When I move I express.  When I express I heal.  When I heal I get to experience more love. 

Then I sit in what to do with the love.  Like a 2 year old child who has a handful of mashed up blueberries.  They are standing there looking up at you, the blueberries mashed and smushed, their hands outstretched offering them to you.  Their heart is there in those blueberries.  Their love in those blueberries.  I am that 2 year old, my love is those blueberries.  Only I’m not 2 and I am standing in my kitchen alone.  No one is around to give my love to.

So I pour it back into my own heart.  I allow it to wash over me.  Viscerally I feel it.  Tears sneak out of my eyes, the sides of my mouth turn up in a soft smile.  I feel warmth in my heart.  My belly softens.  My feet tingle.  My hips stop hurting.  My neck stops hurting.  My body surrenders and I am showered in my own love. 

Nothing is forever.